Enigma Page 13

  Josie folded the cloth another time before placing it over her eyes and turned for me to tie it. I took both ends, my fingers brushing hers. Her hands moved to the front, to keep it in place as I secured the knot. It took all my strength to not run my finger over the soft curve of her collarbone. I let my hands drop. “Can you see?”

  “No.”

  “Good. The trick is to visualize it in your mind’s eye. Once you have a mental picture, concentrate on the senses. How does the object or environment smell, taste, feel, sound? You have to let your other senses take over for your eyes.”

  I didn’t watch our surroundings. I watched Josie, whose hands shook at her sides. She let out a sigh, pulled in a deep breath, and widened her stance.

  “Relax a little. Don’t force it,” I said when her whole body trembled.

  “Ow,” her hand flew to her forehead.

  Yeah, the wicked headaches and nausea were a part of it. “Some of this is going to feel like the first few times you Pushed and Retracted. It sucks, but it’ll pass.”

  Josie bent over and braced her hands on her knees. “This is way worse than before.”

  “It—”

  She puked in front of her feet. I didn’t remember making the decision to soothe her, but there I was, my hand on her back, Retracting her thrown-up brunch. “You’re okay.”

  “I can’t do this.” Josie wiped her mouth with the back of her hand then rubbed her hand on her pants. Her opposite hand quaked on her knee as she attempted to stand. “I think the blindfold is the only thing keeping my eyes in my head.”

  “You can do this. I know you can.”

  Standing tall, with the blindfold still in place, she held out her hand toward me, giving me the backward Vulcan sign—meaning die and languish.

  She couldn’t see my smile. “You better watch yourself, smart-ass. You’re blindfolded.”

  “No, you better watch yourself. I just puked and I can aim if I need to.”

  I stepped to her side, to watch her face. I didn’t want to be in the line of fire if she got sick again. Her hands balled into fists and her jaw clenched. Josie’s forehead glistened with perspiration and her teeth bit into her bottom lip. My chest tightened, watching her hurt.

  I stepped behind her again, this time placing my hands on her shoulders. She stilled under my touch. I squeezed my fingers into her tense muscles. She was going to give herself an aneurysm if she didn’t chill out. “Relax a little. You’re always so calculated in your thoughts and stiff in your movements. It’s okay to use your instinct, to go with the flow. Let go a little. Let it be organic.” My thumbs dug into flesh. Her shoulders were smooth on the surface but knotted underneath.

  She sighed and allowed her head to fall to the side, lengthening one side of her neck. My heart bucked like a bronco. She had no idea what she did to me. That innocent stretch made me want to run a finger down her porcelain skin.

  A heartbeat later, a small package of some kind appeared on the floor. “What is that?”

  Josie yanked the blindfold off. “Dear Loki. I tried Pushing an apple.” She picked the small container up and held it out to me. “It’s an applesauce cup for lunches.”

  I chuckled, earning me a dirty look from Josie. “Hey, it was close. It could’ve been a puddle of apple juice or something. I know most things come naturally to you, but not everyone works like that. Everything takes practice, and a part of practice is failing. It’s okay to fail sometimes. It means you’re trying something new or trying to better yourself.”

  She tugged the blindfold down. “Okay. Tell me what to Push. Maybe that will be easier.”

  “Okay. Uh. Hold out your hands. Push that necklace your mom gave you with the Dragon’s Eye symbol.”

  Josie nodded as she held her hands out, side by side. Her arms trembled.

  “Remember, think of the feel of the necklace. Maybe cool, metal. What metal tastes like. The shape of the Dragon’s Eye. And—”

  “It should be there,” she said. “Is it there? I don’t feel it.”

  I’d been watching her hands. “No, sorry. No necklace.”

  Her arms swung down to her sides dramatically and she grumbled something incoherent. Her right hand went back up to take off the bandana and something dark on her arm caught my eye.

  “What’s on you?” I asked, as she whipped the bandana from her head.

  “Where?”

  I grabbed her arm. “Forearm. On the inside.”

  We both twisted to see the black spot better—to see her new Dragon’s Eye tattoo better.

  Her eyes bugged out of her head and she covered her mouth. “Holy shit balls!” she said behind her hand. “I just gave myself a tattoo.”

  I tried not to laugh, and I failed.

  Josie inspected her new ink. “Seriously? I suck at this.”

  “You can Retract it. One of the perks of being an Oculi—permanent tattoos can be temporary.” I smiled, trying to make her feel better.

  She peeked up to me. “It looks ridiculous on me, doesn’t it?”

  I took her arm in my hand. “Actually, you wear it well. It’s pretty badass, but that’s just my opinion.”

  Her cheeks flushed. “Okay, let’s just try again.”

  “Don’t you want to Retract it?”

  “I’ll keep it for a little while to remind myself about my badass failure.”

  I understood that and even thought it was adorable. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

  Josie tugged the bandana over her eyes, placed her hands at her sides, and set her feet. Her chest rose and fell a few times, and then a red sunset maple manifested out of thin air ten feet in front of us, the leaves bright and ready to drop.

  “Look,” I whispered.

  Instead of messing with the knot of the blindfold, I Retracted it. Josie’s head straightened then she turned and her eyes landed on me.

  “Is this what you had in mind?” I said.

  A sheepish grin danced on her lips. “Yeah. Do I get an A for effort?” she asked, stepping closer to me, but eyeing her tree.

  “An A plus.”

  She jumped up and down, clapping her hands.

  “The pretend grade excites you more than Pushing something without sight, doesn’t it?”

  She cocked an eyebrow.

  “Joking, joking. Let’s hope you don’t need to use it, but you did fantastic.”

  My mind was eased a little knowing Josie had Oculi skills that few others, if any, possessed. Those skills, the blind Pushing and Force Push, would give her an advantage over the mole.

  13.

  Josie

  The small victory of blind Pushing and Reid’s pride boosted my spirits. Hope floated inside me, making me smile. I headed toward the door, with Reid close behind.

  I tugged the door open, turned, and paused in the threshold. Reid shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for me to speak, his face patient. “Thank you,” I said. A slow grin spread across his lips and the hallway lights behind me reflected in his eyes. If we were in a private room, I would’ve hugged him, but that wasn’t a good idea out in the open where we were probably being watched.

  Out of the corner of my eye, a figure dashed down the hallway. For whatever reason, the quick movement made me turn my head away from Reid. I craned my neck to get a better view of the male figure. Just as they turned into the doorway to the infirmary and restrooms, the guy looked at me.

  Reid.

  The guy down the hallway, staring back at me, was Reid.

  My breath caught in my lungs and my heart stalled.

  Reid was simultaneously down the hallway and in front of me. But that couldn’t be. I knew better. One was the mole trying to play mind games. The mole was trying to psych me out. And it was working.

  I gulped in air and a strained gasping noise sounded from my throat.

  “What?” the Reid in front of me asked.

  I turned to him. The guy in front of me. That was Reid. Wasn’t it?

  My head oscillated back to the h
allway, but the other Reid—the mole?—had disappeared.

  Unless the guy in front of me was the mole. But I’d been with him since my room.

  There were two options. Either I just saw the mole imitate Reid or I was experiencing an Oculi Degradation. Neither option was good.

  I stared at the Reid in front of me, his eyes now narrowed in concern as his brows pinched together. He leaned closer. “Josie?”

  Without thinking, I backed away abruptly, swinging the door open farther into the hallway.

  “What’s wrong?” he whispered.

  “Nothing.” I shook my head. “Nothing.”

  I could’ve told him that I just saw him down the hallway and he probably would’ve thought it was the mole. But I wasn’t so sure myself if it was the mole. It was only a moment, and my head was pounding. What reason would the mole have to show himself to me as Reid for such a brief amount of time? Just to rattle me? Did that make sense?

  Instead of saying anything, I shook my head again and mustered a half-hearted smile. “I’m just a little tired after the training I’ve already done today.”

  “That’s understandable. These training sessions can drain you. Observing reality taps into a different kind of energy. Our bodies and minds can only handle so much.”

  Yeah, that’s kind of my worry. My mind may be at its literal limit.

  “I think I need to lie down for a little while. Maybe take a short nap or something.”

  “Yeah,” he nodded.

  I stepped backward into the hallway and couldn’t help but glance down the hallway again. No second Reid. I turned my head back to Reid, ready to walk in the opposite direction toward the living quarters, but Reid stared at me with a wide stance and a fire in his gaze. He looked like he was prepared to tackle me. Or Push or Retract. Or was he angry?

  Was this my Reid? I stumbled away from him, my foot catching on the uneven floor.

  He grabbed my wrist and tugged me back up before I fell. His brows creased deep. “What is going on? What did you see?”

  His words were fast but his voice soft and thick. He was worried.

  Dear Loki. Maybe I was losing my grasp on reality. Maybe the Council was right, and I was experiencing the first symptoms of Degradation.

  “I need to know this is you,” I said.

  Reid’s eyes widened in realization. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and his gaze left my face and darted randomly. He released my wrist and inched closer to me, cautiously moving his mouth toward my ear. “I made you fall down a chasm back at the warehouse then you punched me,” he whispered. A shiver ran up my spine, remembering those terrifying minutes. No one besides Santos and Reid knew that happened. “A couple of days later,” he continued, “we made out on a pool table. It’s been a helluva week.”

  His nose brushed my cheek as he pulled away to peek at my face. He winked and one side of his mouth curled into a mischievous grin.

  It was Reid.

  As I released a breath, my posture slumped like I’d bottled up the anxiety over the last sixty seconds. Fear was utterly exhausting, and I didn’t have time for that.

  “Reid.” I smiled.

  Taking a step away from me, he gestured toward the living quarters. “Let’s get you a nap.”

  “Okay.”

  He moved his fingers over the screen on his phone and I began walking. He caught up in several long strides.

  We walked in silence to my room, but I could still feel his eyes on me. He was worried because I wasn’t telling him why I was a spooked. But I couldn’t talk about it—not until I figured out my mental state.

  As we ascended the stairs, Cohen came into view, standing by my door. “Coe’s going to take watch for you.”

  I nodded but didn’t make eye contact with Reid.

  “Hey,” he whispered, lightly tugging my shoulder back and halting. “You all right?”

  I finally looked up. His dark hair was messed to perfection. I’d seen him get ready on our trip up from Florida. He never really tried to look good, yet he did. Maybe it was more the fact that he didn’t try so hard that I liked. His face was welcoming, warmer than it was less than two weeks ago when he took me on a motorcycle ride to show me that we were Oculi. Of course, I now knew he was really Cal, but there was more. He let down a wall with me that was still firmly in place for everyone else on this planet.

  “I’m okay. Really.”

  “Swear by, uh, I don’t know, the Jedi code of ethics or something equally nerdy?”

  A giggle erupted from me. “There really is a Jedi code, you know.”

  “I didn’t know. But, of course, you would know that.”

  “I’m fine.” I smiled despite the lie. I should’ve been worried about how easy it was to lie, even if it was small fibs.

  “Okay. Text when you’re awake. Or want to talk. Or need an escort. Or, eh, whatever.” He smoothed his hand over his jaw, and his gaze dropped to the floor. I’d not really seen him like this. It was out of character for him. He seemed awkward or something.

  “I will.” My words rushed out to reassure him. “I’ll contact you soon.”

  I walked to my door and waved at Cohen. “Thanks.”

  His head tipped to me. “Sweet dreams.”

  I peeked over my shoulder to Reid. His eyes hung on to mine, almost keeping me from entering my room. I broke away from the spell and tried to smile before I slipped into my apartment and closed the door.

  I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, snarfed it down, drank a glass of water, and flung myself onto my mattress. The bed squeaked under the sudden weight, but I felt heavier than the sound it made. With tired muscles and tangled thoughts, I welcomed the quiet, soft reprieve.

  I closed my eyes, knowing I’d probably fall asleep before I resolved any of my issues, and the first thing I thought of was Reid. I replayed the last weird minute with him outside my room.

  My eyes snapped open. Reid knew something was wrong, and was hurt that I wasn’t sharing it with him. He’d be equally as hurt if he found out I was having a breakdown like my brother, who ended up killing innocent people.

  I couldn’t do that to Reid, or my mom and Eli. Seeing my mental state deteriorate before their eyes was not something any of them should have to endure. They had all been through enough already.

  I pushed myself up and sat crisscross with my back against the headboard. The dim, warm bedside light made it seem like it was evening, but it was only late afternoon. I stared at the lamp shade, drawn to it like a moth.

  Life would be easier as a moth. I mean, the Avengers have Ant Man. I could be Moth Girl, his trusty sidekick who could fly him around. And gets easily distracted by lights. I could be just as good as the Wasp. Okay, snap out of it.

  I shook my head and pulled my sights away from the lamp. Regardless of the state of my mind, which was highly questionable, there was still a mole who could destroy the Resistance from the inside and hurt others. We had a plan, and I needed to focus in order to execute it.

  Throwing my feet over the side of the bed, I stood and paced the length of my bedroom.

  Maybe I could take care of the mole by myself then disappear. Reid and my family wouldn’t have to watch my Degradation if I left them. I’d keep them safe that way, too. Reid wouldn’t put himself in danger—again—on my behalf.

  I had to face the fact that I didn’t know for sure if I really saw a Reid look-alike or not. I didn’t know if it was the mole down the hallway or if my eyes and mind were playing tricks on me. That was significant.

  I needed to move up the plan to lure the mole tonight. But I needed to do it solo. That meant convincing Reid to leave me alone in my apartment, if not for the whole night, then maybe not showing up until later.

  When I was alone with the mole, I’d kill him, leave him in my room for Reid to find and identify, then vanish. The part I wasn’t sure about was being able to leave the three people I cared about most.

  I plopped onto my bed and rested my face in my
palms. My eyes closed and I envisioned playing video games with Eli. He always beat me, but I didn’t care. I loved his laugh and just being with him. Maybe it was because for the last two years he and I were the only active participants in our family. I’d learned differently last week, that my mom and dad were active in their own way on our behalf, but not really with us—not the way we needed.

  Though my mom had hurt me and my little brother, I loved her. She was my mother. I couldn’t fathom running away from her—not when we were finally both at a place where we wanted to heal and try at a real relationship. But leaving her—leaving them both—would be for their own good.

  Tears wetted my palms. I inhaled slowly, willing the cry to stop before it could fully get started. The faint crisp, clean scent of Reid still lived on my hands. My chest swelled, like even the smell of him comforted me, made me fuller.

  Reid. How was I going to leave Reid after all he’d done for me? He’d gone into hiding, changed his identity to make sure the Consortium wouldn’t track him to my family, and saved my life numerous times in the last two weeks. Besides, he’d been my friend as Cal for as long as I could remember.

  But he was more than a friend now. We were older. We’d each admitted our feelings for the other. We could be with each other after this was over, which would actually be better than I’d ever dared to dream. The fact that I cared about him that much was precisely the reason I needed to leave him before my mind became more compromised.

  A dull ache burrowed its way through my chest down into my abdomen. The slow thrumming internal pain amped. I wrapped my arms around my center, laid my head on the pillow, and pulled my knees toward my chest.

  Now staring at my bedside table, I noticed my phone lying there. My hand swept across my stomach to my back pocket. My phone wasn’t there. I’d apparently put it on the table but didn’t remember. But maybe I didn’t.

  Snagging the phone, I examined it. Same case. My fingers worked against the screen. Same Guardians of the Galaxy wallpaper. It looked like my phone, but I couldn’t recall putting it there.